here I go again! · 401 days ago
...but not on my own. And I have known other roads. Completely unlike a drifter, I was born to amble cheerfully alongside a friend.
On that subject, I have had some good news from an unlikely front, and have discovered that the breach between N and I might not be permanent. I’ve known her since I was 15, so I am patient. It might not be tomorrow, or even this year, but someday we’ll sort out our differences and talk about nothing in particular while we drink something frosty with our feet in hot sand.
In other good news, I’m 17.5 weeks pregnant, and the baby is alive and healthy and active. He or she will hereafter be referred to as “El Guapo”, because it’s true.
There’s been some drama on the forums recently, but when isn’t that true. I do wish J would just put me on ignore, instead of following me from thread to thread leaping to the defense of whoever I disagree with. Yes, I’m a jerk. This isn’t news. Yes, I have changed. This is also not news, because it would be really really strange if I was exactly the same person I was 6 years ago, given that I have come through depression, hospitalisation and suicide watch, health problems, getting married, a miscarriage, and a changing world political and financial stage.
“YOU’VE CHANGED!” Yes, why haven’t you? Perhaps that’s why I’m so irritable these days…?
Rosie is 7, and beautiful. She has a lamentable tendency to move slowly and casually when I need her to move quickly, though, and there was a fracas on that subject this morning. That hasn’t changed, at least. Actually, it has… her behaviour is exemplary these days, and she is taking the role of big sister VERY seriously. It’s lovely. I have a little helper, now.
I am in love with my pregnancy, and my husband, and my little girl, and my friends, and my cats. Life after danger and strife is particularly sweet, I think.
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also!! · 549 days ago
It’s not like I forgot about this, I just forgot to mention it:
Ben is allowed to live in Canada. All he has to do is get his passport stamped with a Visa at the Seattle consulate, and then show up at the border to be allowed in. He’ll get his Permanent Residence card, we’ll apply for a SIN for him, and once he has proof of having applied for one he can look for work.
WE ARE HAPPY!
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i have seen portal, and it is good · 549 days ago
weighted companion cube nooo
I have also played Rock Band, and it is good. Really good.
Dan came to visit and it suddenly made me grippingly aware that we haven’t had a social life with real people in a really long time. It wasn’t awkward, I didn’t feel like a crazy shut-in or anything, it just made me realise that I have been wrong to shut myself away in a place where people view the unfamiliar as untrustworthy or inappropriate.
I am NOT going to go chasing off to Comox or Victoria before I have had a good long while to think about it, but believe me when I say that yes, I AM thinking about it. My mom isn’t happy about the idea, and for all of my complaints I’m not happy about the idea of just LEAVING her here alone, but she’s making friends and she’s starting to have a life of her own. This is good.
SO many things to think about!
And Dan! And Alison! Dan was wonderful. His general personality comes out in text over the internet, with no problem, but he’s a billion times better in person. “Live and in 3D,” as he put it. If I ever get in legal trouble in Oregon, I know who I am calling – if only for the chance to hang out with the coolest people possible before they shut me away for ALL TIIIIME.
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refreshest · 552 days ago
Holy CRAP I feel much better than I did. I’m not any closer to knowing what I want to be, but I am a lot closer to knowing what I am now, and hopefully out of that still centre I can keep on building without feeling like I’m missing vital bits of foundation.
Dan is coming to visit (DAN DAN DAN OMG DAAAN) and we’re jumping up and down like idiots, all excited about his arrival.
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head. exploding. · 555 days ago
maybe i am just not a very good parent? there seems to be some kind of major disconnect going on here, and i don’t know if that’s because i am not telling her what i expect from her clearly enough. it’s like being canute. i order the tide not to come in, and everything is fine until the next wave, which takes not a blind bit of notice.
i am so tired, and on the edge of tears all the time. we have a guest coming to town, and we’re rolling pennies for food.
this week is going to be ugly as hell. no wonder i am blogging about it again! i’m sorry, guys, you never seem to catch me in a good mood. happiness is too busy to blog about, i guess.
meow!
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