dreadful II · Aug 31, 09:59 AM
oh yes, I did cut off my dreadlocks, and I will try again another time. They were very cute, but they were too messy and neglected.
Still have a mohawk, so I am certainly not looking any more like a grownup. :3
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box girder · Aug 31, 09:53 AM
I’m still trying to bridge the not inconsiderable gaps between what I feel is ME and what I feel I should be. “Potential” is such a fraught concept. There are many things I could be that I am not, but am I obligated to be them? Is what I am rendered less worthy by looking at what might have been?
Do I still have time to change? Do I want to? I know I do, in some ways… I am trying to manage my condition without medication. I am still confused and angry at my doctor and my therapist for loading me up with 6 different meds until I was a human dial tone, and then telling me I had no symptoms to worry about, and no problems that couldn’t be solved by just using my brain now and then – a task I found increasingly difficult after downing a rainbow of medications. I know the idea was to allow me to interact with other human beings, but I’m a hermit at the best of times, and taking away my ability to hold up my end of a conversation didn’t do a whole lot for my social life.
How do we know what symptoms were what when they’re medicated away? This is like taking someone with internal injuries, loading them up with morphine, and then asking them to describe pain. When they’re unable to pinpoint anything and keep falling asleep, you tell them they’re lazy and faking it. Yeah, sounds sensible.
So. Lots of unresolved issues there, to use their terminology.
I am trying to improve myself, and I will start physically… although there is a school of thought that says if I can start thinking about the physical again, I have made excellent inroads on the mental. I happen to agree!
Sunday morning self-doubt! The long dark teatime of the soul! Hopefully I am just tired. Dan is coming to visit soon, and Ben and I are really excited. Not so thrilled about Rosie’s recent behaviour, but I’ll put it down to her excitement over school beginning soon.
Please please let her behave herself in school. Please. I can’t do another year of crazy problems, and I am worried about taking her to a doctor and having them medicate her into a little zombie.
Gosh, I have a lot of things to write about, and not all of them are good. We have a kitten! That is very good! He is a very sweet little guy, very playful, and a total ears-back maniac when he’s not being a total snugglebug. It rules.
More to come.
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dreadful! · Jul 27, 10:20 AM
my dreadlocks are worrying me with their fuzziness. cute and all, but they aren’t the nice matted tubes i’m going for. THEY’S FLUFFY! i am assured this will change with time, but when i first got my dreads in that vulnerable first week i totally screwed them up with the wrong kind of comb and actually ended up making them fluffy like this.
so i’m wondering if they will go back or if i have to cut em off and start over. not the end of the world if i do, because this time i’ll know better what not to do to them! still, it would be a shame.
time to get ready for work.. bleeeeah
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holy crap · Jul 16, 10:17 PM
I have become dissatisfied with my other blog, and I have decided to come home, where the heart is. There’s just too much sadness and garbage over there, and while I don’t want to delete it I’d like to start fresh-ish back here. Besides, it’s orange. Who doesn’t like orange?
A lot has happened since I last posted here. Rosie is 6, I am married to Ben (which is pretty hilarious given the last entry ON THIS SAME PAGE that has a bride with a suitcase gettin’ the hell out of dodge).
What can I say? We’ve both come a long way and we both have a lot to be proud of. I’ve worked hard to come out of my depression and to face it without drugs, Ben has become what I always thought he had the potential to be: my best friend and soulmate. We’re happy as pigs in mud, and the resemblance is marked when we haven’t had a shower for a couple of days.
So uh… yeah. Here I is.
Thanks, Alex!
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holy gee · Oct 17, 02:23 PM
I guess I do still post here after all! :D
what, it’s only been 327 days, you’re looking at me like I abandoned you!
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